Who is this “patient waiting,” anyway? Can he tell us where the bathroom is in this joint?

Posted by Lizzie on 06/01/05

Not that we have been blogging a great deal anyway of late, but we’d like to let you know that we’ll be blogging even less this week, as we have to head off to a cocktail party, a dinner out, another cocktail party, and our ten-year college reunion, which will be more of the same, we assume. (We’ve already gotten one barbecue and good-bye party out of the way. Hi, Liam! Hi, John! Buy these men!) Anyway, we’re terrified, as it seems we have been slated to spend the next week in line for either a drink or the bathroom. We’re going to take heart from a recent rejection letter we received from a press whose name we won’t get into right now, though. You understand we had to change some of the words, but the sentiment comes through:

“The selection [of waiters and bathrooms] for this year’s [thing to which you have been invited] has been agonizingly difficult. The quality of the [people we invited] testifies to the vitality of [gathering people to drink and go to the bathroom] in an increasingly unmanageable and bellicose world.

“You must, of course, continue to believe fervently [that you will get a drink/go the bathroom eventually], and I hope that you can shrug off every disappointment knowing that the eventual rewards will be so much sweeter for the patient waiting.”

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Commentary

  1. “Inky, you need to get out more. You don’t have any friends.”

    “Sure I do. I have the greatest friends in the world.”

    “You never come to any of the parties.”

    “Those parties are full of a bunch of windbags. The conversations bore me to death. They never say anything interesting.”

    “Oh now that’s not true.”

    “I would rather just stay home and read.”

    “Books are not a replacement for friends.”

    “Books are my friends. I love them just like you love your friends, and I can assure you that our discussions are much richer than anything that you have ever discussed at one of your parties.”

    “Books are not real people, Inky.”

    “Neither are your party pals.”

    Comment by Kelley Bell — 6/4/2005 @ 10:44 am

  2. I attended at least one of the events that you reference in your post, and I can assure you that I had no problems with either the timely consumption or the convenient excretion of liquids during the event. I even managed to confine my elimination to the appropriate receptacles (we’re getting older i guess…) It was truly lovely to drink and piss with you!

    Comment by firebus — 6/14/2005 @ 6:16 pm

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