We’re not famous (or even writers, really), but you can send us ANYTHING

Posted by Lizzie on 12/19/04

Mistaking me for a person of consequence, the lovely folks at the Ruminator Review sent me a free copy*. Especially apropos this holiday season is assistant-to-Neil Gaiman Lorraine Garland’s “What Not to Send Your Favorite Writer”:

10. Food
Unless you are a proper Food Company, what you send will not arrive in anything like the condition you sent it out in. Writers, or anyone, tend to become rather dubious upon viewing the crumpled remains of what was once possibly cookies. Also, somewhere deep in our darkest recesses, all of us remember: Don’t Take Candy From Strangers. I mean, sure, odds are a million to one that this is the final crazed fan who has coated the little goodies with arsenic, but who wants to take chances?

Send wine. Or scotch. Single malt. Old single malt.

8. Invitations for events Next Month
Writers tend to be busy. It takes writers a very long time to write a book (no, I don’t know why, it just DOES). Unless you are signing yourself HRH Elizabeth R. or including the words “beach house,” “Maui” and “business class airfare,” next month is probably not going to work.

* Unrelated: Whoever addressed that envelope, you have BEAUTIFUL handwriting. You should hire yourself out as a personal scriptor, if such things still exist.

Filed under: Lit-ish |


  1. Dear Lizzie,

    I’m sure you get a lot of simpering messages telling you how wonderful your site is. Well, here’s another one. I’d like your permission to set up a link to your site, and if you’re feeling generous maybe you’ll do the same for me. My ‘Scratching Post’ covers the following topics:


    It’s a new site and I’m still developing a balance between all these topics. My main goal at the moment is to make the site readable and entertaining.

    Take a look at The Scratching Post at http://milktreading.blogspot.com… I know, sorry it’s blogspot…

    let me know what you think, and we can take it from there.


    Nick Smith

    Comment by Nick Smith — 12/24/2004 @ 6:15 pm

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