More free books, not that you deserve it

Posted by Lizzie on 06/02/07

UPDATE: Who has more alphabetical readers than O.H.? NO ONE, that’s who. There were many wonderful anagrams and reasons (anagreasons) for winning (I’m particularly fond of “Zule’s knicker habit”, because I think I have that), but I was most taken by the flat-out following:

I’m writing you because I’m desperately trying to win a box of mystery books. I was going to try to write something clever and funny. Something about being locked in an old cold house , with only the hope of books for distractions. Then it started sounding kind of depressing and we don’t want that.

Yes we do! I am totally a sucker for that! Congratulations, Kami–your books are on the way. You better not be some fake person who will turn around and sell them on eBay. Everyone else, thanks for entering–believe me, there are about 57 more moves scheduled in the next year.

reallydirtleo.jpgIt occurs to me that O.H. readers have benefited perhaps somewhat unduly from my propensity to change houses more often than an F.B.I. informant. BUT–lucky you–I am changing houses yet again, and I have a stack of new books that, let’s be real, I am either NEVER going to read (1/2), already have in my possession (3/8), or have misjudged and will regret giving you (1/8). That’s 1, right? Anyway, I was going to give you all my itinerary and ask you good places to go along it during the next few months, but then I realized it would be creepy to have my itinerary online. So I simply ask, contestants–why should you get this box of books?* If you are stumped, submit an anagram of my real name. I am always doing anagrams of my friends’ names but I have never been able to do a good one of mine.

Contest ends MONDAY 12 sharp! Or EOD, depending on how far I get cleaning the bathroom. You can put your answer in the comments, but you also MUST email me your address and same comment name separately to theoldhag@theoldhag.com so I can mail it from THIS LOCATION. I promise you: your address will not become part of my itinerary. Mauritius, I always enjoy your entries and one day we will figure out how you can win without it costing $6.5 million dollars.

Good luck!

* It is actually a good one: Ferris, Sharpe, Palahniuk, etc.

Filed under: in it to win it, Lit-ish | Tags: , | Comments (11)

[Your Joke Here; We're Tired; This Was a Long Post]

Posted by Lizzie on 02/14/07

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(Click to enlarge…and be enlightened!)

So the results of our first offical Old Hag Reader Can You Even Handle This Action Survey are in and….wow! You guys absolutely do not have enough to do. You should get on that. But we were unsurprised to find that, in planning the rest of our year, a) most of you wanted us to do reviews for which we do not get paid; 2) pretty much the same amount of you were perverts, lazy, in love with Leonardo Dicaprio, or poetry-seekers (hard to choose, right?); 3) Podcasts and Pride & Prejudice people insisted on being tediously alliterative, 4) almost the same amount of people wanted more real-world reviews as didn’t know who we are. That’s fine; the people who read the reviews don’t know who we are either.

Since you apparently have nothing better to do than hang around here and click on things, you won’t mind if we take these one by one.

1. Speedreaders
Coming; we have a few real-world reviews first and then it’s going to all happen for you.

2. Real-World Reviews
See “Speedreaders”

3. Podcasts
Coming; don’t care if you want ‘em

4. Poetry
Incoming shortly; check out our porn haiku in the meantime.

5. More Leo fakeouts

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Duh. Done. DIRTY LEO. Grrrrr.

6. Who is Old Hag?
Nobody

7. Pride & Prejudice
darcydarcydarcy.jpg

Fucking done….most ardently!

8. Seriously, who is Old Hag?
Nobody

9. We avoid working
Q.E.D.

10. Porn? No porn?
We’re the only pervert around here, sorry. But here’s that Old Hag/Young Woman picture all the rest of you are looking for.

11. More pics of adorable nephew (Write-In)
We’ll do you one better. Three things to note: a) This might take a sec to load; b) yes, that is Marketwatch; it’s never too early, and c) seriously, you might die. DIE!

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5236047940799681468

Filed under: blog in the day, Lit-ish, poesie, polls, the hottness | Tags: , , , , , | Comments (3)