Beginner’s Greek
$Beginner\'s Greek$ If I ever inaugurate an unintentionally dirty-sounding e-review series called “Straight to the author’s inbox,” the first one will be to James Collins, and it will read, “Hey James, how’s it going? LOVED THE FIRST HALF OF YOUR NOVEL! xo talk soon L.” (Note to all the publications who’ve cut their book reviews of late: I will provide these under your institutional umbrella for a reasonable fee.) Because while Beginner’s Greek contains some of the most devastating, vivid characterizations (and character assassinations) I’ve read in the past few years, its lovely prose is marred by the fact that the central characters, Holly and Peter–who meet on a flight, lose contact, and spend the next few years (and remainder of the novel) seeking the lost soulmate–are, compared to the surrounding cast, relatively anodyne constructions. While a bullying husband speculates about his ex-wife, visualizing the clotted hairbrush left out for guests that sums up her pitiable circumstances, Peter chases a veritable ghost, a lovely cipher with whom everyone is immediately enchanted, although all we know about Holly is that when Peter met her, she was reading The Magic Mountain. (“She’s a dead ringer for Garbo. She always beats me at chess. She’s first on every punchline. Her drink is Absolut.”) One of the things I love about Larry McMurtry is that he’s one of the few male writers who can portray difficult, irritating women whom men still manage to like. Collins crushes the women in his novel admirably, but his satire can’t hold up against someone who only gives other people crushes. James: EVERYONE is worthy of crushing. Leave the bewitching, blank siren for Roth. He’s probably trademarked her by now, anyway.
Eat, Pray, Love
A sad truth for those of you out there seeking greater ones: Nothing is more boring than your epiphanies. (Even worse, sojourners–the more particular they are to you, the more they sound exactly like everyone else’s.) Such is the problem with Elizabeth Gilbert’s journey through the particulars of her digestive, spiritual and moral humors–located, for your corporeal information, in the regions of Italy, India and Indonesia, respectively. It’s a bit of a punt to say the book is self-aggrandizing–how could a book focused on one’s spiritual well-being not be?–but it’s the grand the Richard Bachian strokes that provoke the reader beyond speech: “Simply put, I got pulled through the wormhole of the Absolute, and in that rush I suddenly understood the workings of the universe completely.” (Simply put.) However, we’re a girl! Fish-in-barrel elements aside, of course we loved that someone would eat pasta, meditate and tool around Indonesia for a year to get over a broken heart. There’s a lot to be said for pasta in general. P.S. we leave the 16th.
Never Let Me Go
If all butlers from England sound robotic and all English clones sound like butlers, does Kazuo Ishiguro need to stop giving characters affects flatter than a freshly ironed newspaper? These and other points of information plagued me upon my “completion” — you’ll get it — of the author’s sixth novel, wherein a prep-school love triangle worthy of a great piece of teen chick-lit is inexplicably ruined by the fact that the characters all have to give up their organs afterwards. Much has been made of this great “secret” — and, oops, spoiler alert and all — but it’s no more a secret than the fact that, if a girl tells you her boyfriend thinks you’re a slut, it’s a sure bet he has a huge crush on you. HUGE, Kathy, HUGE. Even a butler could see it.

“I think it’s clocks.” [The Bat Segundo Show, mp3]

“Has done just about everything you can and should do to remain gainfully employed” [WYPR's The Signal, 88.1 in Baltimore, MP3]

“A very busy person” [MBToolbox]

We enjoy it. You can reach Old Hag for any good goddamn reason at all at theoldhag AT theoldhag DOT com.

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Old Hag is the work of Lizzie Skurnick, critic, blogger, writer, teacher. Don't talk about Jersey. more...

That Should Be a Word (The New York Times Magazine)
Click for entire list and links of Smalumns. And call them Sniglets if you must, but you’re dating yourself, friend!

State of Wonder (Barnes & Noble Review, 6/14/2011)
If the greatest compliment you can give an author is to ask if her book is “really true,” then our digital era’s version may be to skip the author entirely and go straight to Google to separate fact from fiction.

Self Sells: Bethenny Frankel: From Housewives Star to Thriving Mogul (Time, 5/9/2011)
Vulgar, vulnerable, wise and neurotic, Bethenny Frankel, Bravo’s last-minute addition to its blockbuster series The Real Housewives of New York City, was a poor mans Housewife from the first. Not a wife (single Frankel was expanding her catering business) nor a homeowner (she rented her Upper East Side one-bedroom), she weathered patronizing barbs from older, wealthier castmates for these and other deficiencies with a captivating mix of insouciance and insecurity.

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As someone who is bad at this, I am bound to do it forever

Playtex, no reason

Posted by Lizzie on 03/15/07

This is rapidly becoming one of those blogs wherein personal ephemera so wholly overtakes any ostensible theme or focus that we are as a muttering old person on the subway is to Barack Obama on a podium, but anyway, we just have to say, we noticed there’s an update to our favorite ad OF ALL TIME, which, if you haven’t seen, is:

YouTube Preview Image

We were searching around for the new one to show you all, since we a) think it’s vastly inferior and b) know you’ve been on pins and needles about it for weeks. We couldn’t find it, so your collective disgust joining ours will have to wait.

We did, however, find this.

You know, we were walking around feeling like the inspiration and wisdom we gained from parsing the particular brilliance of the Playtex thwack above was something we pretty much only shared with our friend C while texting on a caramel candy popcorn/Ina Garten high. Guess what? Apparently our delight was shared…. in a well-regarded mainstream news publication…. by a boy.

Okay, traditional media. Here is another thing we are obsessed with:

:roll:

This means “I just rolled my eyes.”

You can also say:

:eyeroll:

We have an associate with a treatise on the “, lol” phenom, when you are ready for us to file.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: may the best protection etc., Moi |

Commentary

There’s nothing worse than snowboarding in a tampon designed for TV watching.

Comment by lindsay — 3/15/2007 @ 4:40 pm
okay….if there is a way to SNOWBOARD in a tampon that is DESIGNED for TV watching,
I need to get in on it RIGHT AWAY

Comment by altehaggen — 3/15/2007 @ 4:44 pm
The magic of :roll: and :eyeroll: and their friends (:puke:, :pout:, etc.) is that that’s what you type in the post — the icon of the creepy head doing just that appears! Unless you’re a creepy anonymous poster, in which case you end up posting “He talked to me for three hours about the Wii. :roll:”
,lol

Comment by Casey — 3/16/2007 @ 9:40 am

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