Sunday links: Hide and Seek; Or, Why I am glad I only shop with cash at my corner grocer’s, who gets me the tuna I like

Posted by Lizzie on 02/19/12

Apple TV has opened me to the wide wonderful world of listening to public radio programs across the spectrum, especially when certain oldies shows that shall not be named hijack WQXR for half the day. In any case, here are some links, old and new, all of which make me glad I have left such a large digital footprint it seems unlikely that anybody could find me without first reading my entire series on The Real Housewives, which would be nice for a change.

How to Disappear Completely. Wisconsin radio’s “To the Best of Our Knowledge” profiles three people-sweeepers

How Companies Learn Your Secrets. NYTMag’s examination of how Target knows you’re pregnant, also known as Why I Am Glad I Live in the Land of the Dollar Store.

My Flamboyant Grandson. Oldie but goodie. George Saunders’ New Yorker short story on a dystopic future entirely directed by targeted marketing; i.e., now. (Also, if you are not a subscriber, there is a PDF. YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME, and only did not hear this from me as I believe minor samples of work online help sales of the author’s work as a whole, as they have always helped mine. BUT ANYWAY YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME.)

Play The Part. This American Life show on an man who looks quite a bit like Obama, from certain angles, and now is forced to impersonate him, because Verizon fired him. This tells you something about being Obama, and our economy, and actually working for Verizon, which is good to know.

Occam’s Razor. From This American Life’s “Family Physics.” The story of David Paladino, a half-black man raised by his Italian mother and stepfather who until adulthood had no idea he was black, and only passing rather unsuccessfully, as I do in the other direction, to my increasing annoyance, but in any case. One of the best TAL’s ever.

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Exprose, because Mom thought “Inadvertext” too obvious #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 02/17/12


1. A message inadvertently sent to the person one is complaining about. “Arthur was fired after he forwarded an exprosé on his boss’s tics to the entire company.” See also: Epistol (to empty an in-box quickly).

Latest That Should Be Un Mot!

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WHAT HAUNT MY LIFE #dauntlets #thatshouldbeaword #thatineedtouselessfrequently

Posted by Lizzie on 02/10/12


1. A small but overwhelming task. “After one glass of wine, Marlene’s half-filled sink presented an insurmountable dauntlet.” Deprescient:to know hardship is imminent.

Latest That Should Be a Word, Which Did Not in Creation Qualify as Dauntlet.

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I trust no one #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 02/06/12

TAB-di-kate, v.1. To let someone else figure out how to split the check. “Sally loved to tabdicate after group dinners; she hated long division.” See also: Spendicant (shorts group check); Megan (only pays for self).

Latest That Should Be A Word!

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Suferiority: Why we cannot correct our boyfriends THOUGH WE BE CORRECT

Posted by Lizzie on 01/28/12


(suh-feer-ee-OR-ih-tee), n.

1. Too insecure to believe one is correct. “Crippled by suferiority, Anne could not tell her date that Warren Beatty was, in fact, in ‘Splendor in the Grass.’” See also: Discurse(to wince at others’ errors).

Latest That Should Be A Word!

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Grossest #thatshouldbeaword YET

Posted by Lizzie on 01/21/12

Pole-Dancing as an Olympic Sport? -

SH-pits, n.v.1. To clean a child’s face with one’s own saliva. See also: Licktim (the child thus cleaned); Spaternity (to claim one’s adult child for cleaning).

Latest That Should Be a Word. And grossest. And one I was born to do.

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I have no car, but remain an inveterate sharker. Latest #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 01/13/12

Dancing Santorums and Barefoot Living -

HAR-buh-rate-er, n. One seeking a parking space. “The Ikea lot is always slammed with harbouretors.” See also: pedator (one who asks strollers if they are leaving); shark (to circle the lot).

Latest “That Should Be a Word”!

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As someone who is bad at this, I am bound to do it forever

Posted by Lizzie on 01/06/12


skin-JEK-cher, n., v.1. To speculate about the plastic surgeries someone has had. “Viewers enjoy a fresh round of skinjecture during each new season of ‘Real Housewives of New York.’ ” Also: iconoplast (one who chooses to age naturally); donion (too many procedures).

Latest “That Should Be a Word” at NYT mag!

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Christopher Hitchens — R.I.P. Most ASSUREDLY not a Celebrate. #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 12/16/11

ce-le-bra-cy (suh-leh-bru-see) n.

1. To maintain fame by abstaining from anything of import. “Kim Kardashian has been practicing celebracy since the debut of her blockbuster show, ‘Keeping Up With the Kardashians.’ ” See also: break-up artist (holds limelight by love life).

Latest That Should Be A Word.

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Father comments he and mother should get credit for this, and that he likes Whole Food bags best. Done!

Posted by Lizzie on 12/11/11

Bagri-cul-ture, n.1. The practice of saving shopping bags. “David, a frequent customer at Whole Foods, is an avid bagriculturist.” See also: Baggarts those proud to cultivate bags; Folding cell the subsink area where bags are held.

Latest at NYTmag!

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I will just NEVER be the lead for this feature, will I? #never

Posted by Lizzie on 12/04/11



Car-si-mo-ni-ous, adj. To gravitate toward smaller vehicles. See also: Tanktimony to find virtue in low mileage; Gastringent to require a specific limit of miles per gallon.

My latest from NYT magazine!

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Discussions WITH children on items such as what happens when you plunge your arm in lava or whether a meteor or a jaguar is faster are always welcome, of course

Posted by Lizzie on 11/27/11

Brattle, v., n.

1. To discuss one’s children, often at length. “Anne hid in the basement to avoid the cocktail brattle.” See also: spamily (Facebook or Twitter updates about kids); spawntourage (a group of approaching strollers).

Latest That Should Be a Word. Of course I would like to emphasize that my friends have never done this, never never never.

Please also see Maud Newton‘s wonderful treatisette on crows, as well as all other excellent featurelles. (Greatest challenge of this job will be finding new words for “mini-column”, methinks.)

Update! Fellow contributor Gaby Dunn (on Twitter here) comes to the rescue with “Smallumns.”

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This word was in service to a friend to whom this is ALWAYS CONSPICUOUSLY DONE

Posted by Lizzie on 11/21/11

And done deliberately.

De-ni-greet, v.

1. To deliberately pretend to have never met someone. “After her promotion, Lisa made a point to denigreet Tom at the meeting.” 2. To insult by introducing incorrectly to others. See also: hurtsy, himiliate.

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Student just tweaked this into an imperative. “Stop clogin’, dawg!” DONE.

Posted by Lizzie on 11/14/11

Clo-gin, n.

1. One who blocks an entrance or exit while checking a smartphone. “A crowd of clogins at the 72nd Street station made Anna miss her train.” See also: mailingerers (those who pretend to have messages); e-ander (to walk slowly while checking one’s messages); sentropy (the tendency to come to a stop to see if a message has been sent).

Latest “That Should Be a Word.” Obvi.

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Either that, or it truly has something to do with so many bagel “shmears” as a child of the Jewish diaspora

Posted by Lizzie on 11/09/11

(smearch), v., n.

1. To Google someone in hopes of finding bad news about him or her. 2. A Web session seeking damning information. “Repeated smearches yielded the picture of Representative Chris Lee’s shirtless physique, which led to his resignation.” See also: Freudenstalke (to take pleasure in negative findings). Also: misfortune hunters.

I am smearching. I was going to say this wasn’t as dirty as it sounds, but I’ve decided it is.

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Free copy if you can name this view

Posted by Lizzie on 04/24/11

No one could argue that the Garden State doesn’t command its healthy share of literature. From William Carlos Williams’s terse dispatches on Paterson to Leroi Jones’s ragged rages to Philip Roth’s rosy 1950s Newark to Judy Blume’s Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, that zig-zag outcrop, an afterthought between the mid-Atlantic and New England, wields in literature the same outsized power it does in life—a crucial density that belies its actual size.

I adored, adored, adored When Tito Loved Clara, and not only because I was raised and lived in Jersey, though I appreciated the attention. Then I suggested people Kindle it because *I* wasn’t paying attention to my VENUE. So Nook it, or buy it in hardcover, AS WELL.

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Wow, so Twitter and FB really cut into your blogging time

Posted by Lizzie on 04/17/11

UPDATES on some things that are HAPPENING:

AND some recent work you may have missed. (PLEASE “LIKE” IT because I am now really mesmerized by the upticks on those FB thingers. And yes, “liking” not the point.)

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“How many girls here slept with Howard Hughes?” “I did” “I did”

Posted by Lizzie on 02/19/11

Just for your information: I don’t need children, husbands or fine jewelry. All I need to know is that when I am 39 and holding, pals Dionne Warwick, Shelley Winters, Teri Garr, Terry Moore, Teena Marie and some unidentified man will come join me on my pink plush set to film my exercise video.
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My appearance on The Jewish Channel begets a new blog category: “Appearances.” Pretty sure said appearances will remain of the sort unlikely to get me a shoe stylist

Posted by Lizzie on 01/30/11

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A soundbyte! I have never been soundbit before. With, “Just don’t say ‘blood’ unless anyone’s shot you,” yet. Tote?

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I Know What You Did Last Issue

Posted by Lizzie on 11/20/10

I am in the most recent Bookforum, writing on the wonderful world of Lois Duncan reissues. Killing Mr. Griffin — yes — makes an appearance. It looks like you can get a free issue, um, here? Do it.

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