Can Metafilter also answer…

Posted by Lizzie on 08/31/05

Media? What media? [via Dana.]*

* To be fair, the caption next to beer-guy should have read neither “looter” nor “finder” but “damn straight.”

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You know the next guest-blogger ain’t gon Linkin Park, right?

Posted by Lizzie on 07/27/05

Damn, Forbes.com! You needs to chill! Give a sister some space and shit. You don’t gots to be all breathin’ down my neck. It’s Kool Moe Dee, motherfucker.

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Well, thank God SOMEBODY’S putting his foot down

Posted by Lizzie on 05/23/05

“Janet Jackson’s breast is a far cry from determining what constitutes news.”

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Also, if you give us abortion, we’ll stop making fun of “Let the Eagle Soar”

Posted by Lizzie on 05/05/05

Here’s the thing: we’ll give you Creation in the schools; you give us gay marriage.

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If you work at the NYT and are reading this, the below is a complicated satire involving Rimbaud and Italo Calvino

Posted by Lizzie on 01/27/05

Bookslut is about to dump links from the NYT if they begin charging for archives. Does anyone know if that loophole about hitting “print version” to maintain a free link forever still exists?

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The secret meaning of “Racked up like a Dooce”…REVEALED!

Posted by Lizzie on 01/25/05

You can take the blogger out of the workplace, but you can’t take the constant references to the holy bitch of a boss out of the blog…or something. Anyway, listen to Dooce talk about getting her ass fired on NPR.

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For our part, if we have to hear another caller say, “But God is just a theory, and evolution is a theory too,” and a scientist explain how you move from hypothesis to theory to FACT, we will die

Posted by Lizzie on 11/18/04

We don’t have space to sum up the whole thing, but suffice it to say that science textbooks are getting stickerfied religion, and Maud — trial-laywer hat firmly on — is pissed.*

* Also, who’s up for this bumper sticker? YOU CAN TEACH CREATION IN THE CLASSROOM WHEN WE CAN TEACH SCIENCE IN SUNDAY SCHOOL.

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JUST the photo. We think.

Posted by Lizzie on 11/15/04

Wonkette (of course!) got ahold of the photo.

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On the other hand, at least Republicans aren’t blaming bloggers

Posted by Lizzie on 11/08/04

I mean, look at it this way. (If you don’t mind, that is.) It’s true that people on my side of the divide want to live in a society where women are free to choose and where gay relationships have civil equality with straight ones. And you want to live in a society where the opposite is true. These are some of those conflicting values everyone is talking about. But at least my values — as deplorable as I’m sure they are — don’t involve any direct imposition on you. We don’t want to force you to have an abortion or to marry someone of the same sex, whereas you do want to close out those possibilities for us. Which is more arrogant?

We keep muttering this over and over, on the bus, on the street, to the checker at the supermarket, and NO ONE EVER LISTENS TO US. Thank God for Michael Kinsley.

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Clearly, Gannett is a subscriber

Posted by Lizzie on 11/05/04

P.J. O’Rourke, writing in the Atlantic Monthly provides a primer for the post-electoral op-ed:

Although we [blank]ed your candidacy, we believe that, even as your [blank]s, we have the duty to [blank] you when necessary. This is the American [blank]. Likewise it is the American [blank] to seek a leader who will [blank] when the storm of [blank] requires a [blank] hand on the [blank]. As you so [blank]ly said in your victory speech, “America is [blank].” We could not agree more.

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Purple: Not just for gay Teletubbies anymore

Posted by Lizzie on 11/04/04

purple

Okay. Red alert is over. CALL OFF THE DOGS. And feel a little less freaked out.

[via scribbling woman]

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The Man in the Moon vs. The Man

Posted by Lizzie on

Tingle Alley’s CAAF has a bold new plan for our heartsick compatriots: Adopt a Red State:

In this program, my liberal friends considering expatriation would instead relocate to a Red State and register to vote in time for the next big election. Instead of Canada, why not beautiful North Dakota? The wind blowing across the plains can bring such a healthy lustre to the cheeks, and you can always have The New York Times coptered in on Sundays. My reasoning is that right now a disproportionate number of the Liberal Menace is clustered on the East and West coasts, creating a pile-up of extraneous leftie votes. (I'm looking at you, San Francisco!) I urge you, my brothers and sisters, to FAN OUT!!

moom We are still going here. But, as the most hated man in the Northeast would say (IS INCAPABLE OF NOT SAYING), Godspeed and God bless.

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What he said

Posted by Lizzie on 11/03/04

As I write this it’s still not quite fully decided, Ohio is the hang-up. Electronic poll box subterfuge, vote counts, hanging chads, disputes… whatever turns up, I don’t care, it’s over. This never should have been even close. You’ve spoken. You’re idiots. You get the leader you deserve.

The initimitable Dong: not worried about unity.

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That “vibe” thing is starting to sound good right about now

Posted by Lizzie on

But the big news is yesterday I went to the 88 cent deli, which I hadn’t been to for a while, and they were closed last week with this unnerving “back in few days” sign. So I see they’re open again and walk in and notice there’s a new “this facility is monitored by video cameras” sign, and the tables are slightly rearranged, and the counter looks devoid of local newspaper clippings, and next to the chips are unfamiliar Mexican snack items (“Hot Thick Chorizo Chews” — could I have read that right?), and serving up sandwiches is not the sniping Italian husband-and-wife team but a man with “rugged Latin features” as Erik Estrada says. He made a mean turkey sandwich (actually superior to the previous owners!) and threw in a free piece of candy (which was yucky but I still appreciated!) and was listening to Spanish music instead of Jimmy Buffett (a marked improvement!) and I will return there tomorrow, but still, I was powerfully confused at the time, and once the realization of new management set in, I had the ridiculous but unsuppressable thought: Why didn’t they tell me?

Actually, only the first graf is about the election. But in the harsh light of day, this one seems more fundamentally relevant.

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Fool me once…you can get fooled again

Posted by Lizzie on

One of the Republican Party’s major successes over the last few decades has been to persuade many of the working poor to vote for tax breaks for billionaires. Democrats are still effective on bread-and-butter issues like health care, but they come across in much of America as arrogant and out of touch the moment the discussion shifts to values.

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America, believe us: You won’t be so thrilled after he knocks you up with 5 little Iraqs

Posted by Lizzie on

bushkerryIn an only semi-surprising act of stunning idiocy, America has, it seems, chosen the Frat Boy over the Debate Team President. America, think this through. Let us save you from a lifetime on the couch with your hair in curlers while your Prom King is out drinking with Putin.

FB: Fun to drink with.
DTP: Knows many useful facts, figures.

FB: Fun to drink with.
DTP: Will never ask to “borrow” 700 billion dollars.

FB: When drunk, may recite some “cheers”
DTP: When drunk, may speak in one of several languages

FB: DRINKS WITH THE SAUDIS
DTP: Wants to improve international relations

FB: Can still speak when drunk
DTP: Reads the paper

FB: Stole an election
DTP: Got a purple heart in Vietman

cheeerleader America, if you don’t choose him, he is going to marry the richest woman in the world. Maybe he had more going for him than you thought.

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Ground (Lack-of) Control

Posted by Lizzie on 11/02/04

moon cheney This is where we will be moving shortly if Kerry isn’t elected. We can be fairly sure Dick Cheney will not join us, as he would be rendered redundant.

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Not Monkeys

Posted by Lizzie on 10/29/04

ballot Some of you will remember the Slate article, back in the end times, asking graphic designers to try their hands at designing, you know, BALLOTS. Now, Design for Democracy has PDF’s of better ballot designs designed by, you know, GRAPHIC DESIGNERS.

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