I now have power to provide you with an old-school links roundup for #sandy!

Posted by Lizzie on 11/02/12

Yes. I was driven to the blog! A list of the (I hope) helpful, informative, and enraging/funny, depending on your mood.





Mitt Romney and crowd share a nice laugh at rising oceans.
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Dickhead II

Romney remains silent and smiling while confronted by climate change protester. Crowd chants “USA!” Problem solved.

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Linking doesn’t indicate agreement, but I’m interested in this has largely made scientists begin to debate HOW to present climate change, not how to prevent it.


Filed under: events, roundups, The Man | Comments (1)

Reader Roundup: There Should Be a Word For People Who Try to Steal My Job

Posted by Lizzie on 06/24/12

I have been remiss (not DREAMISS) in posting the wonderful contributions from job-stealing bastardsreaders all over the world. Or, at least, from my comments, inbox, and FB threads. If I missed you somehow, please re-submit!

THIEFDOM: Smaller than a kleptocracy, larger than a single thief. — lysdexic

KVETCHTABLE: the little kid who whines at dinner about eating his greens. The horrible alternative definition: the aged Jewish grandmother who has lost all faculties but one. — Edit B. 

PHANTONION: why your car still smells like yesterday’s Subway sandwich, even though there is no visible evidence. — Debra J.

SYNAPTIC TAPSE: Sending off posts/tweets/updates without proofreading. — Lise F.

SWAMPLED: a cross between trampled and swamped. — Julie P.

RE-E-DIRECT: That unsettling feeling one has when, while moving from one room to another and reading an electronic message on one’s phone, one achieves a level of distraction such that one is left unclear on why one was going to that room in the first place. “Originally headed to the kitchen to make some tea, Lizzie had a re-e-direct as she finished reading the text from her mother and stood, bewildered, at the kitchen sink.” — Ben W. [I totally do this.–Ed.]

Practically every week, my wife and I find ourselves engaging in a GameDance. That’s when you try to convince the heavens to open up and rain so your child’s soccer/baseball game/practice will be cancelled. — Rick K.

MANECDOTE: The stories men tell each other. — Nick R.

you upstarts do you know how hard this job is I have to do THREE OF THESE EVERY WEEK TRY IT SOME–KEEP ‘EM COMIN’!

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Reader Roundup: People who are trying to steal my job, Part II

Posted by Lizzie on 05/24/12

I love all your THAT SHOULD BE A WORDS! Here is the latest group of stop stealing my job reader submissions!

One who takes comfort or finds truth in the complex, the nuanced, the sloppy. Synonyms: Grayshader. Fenceposter. Betwixtee. — Lise F.

A self-deprecating remark meant in jest but taken seriously. —  Adam L.

The confused state between marriage and divorce, or singlehood and marriage. Also: the relationships in that ill-defined state. “When Allison started dating between walking out on her marriage and filing for divorce, she thought she should celebrate her AMBIGAMY, but there were no gifts from Tiffany’s or Hallmark cards to help her transition. When Allison’s son asked her about the status of the man she had starting sleeping with, she answered succinctly: AMBIGAMOUS.” — Alice T.

Fretting about completing or defending treatise. “Writing my dithertation put me in a state of deep despair.” Also: Boastdoc: Claiming legitimate bragging rights after receiving degree. PhD-Fad: Pursuing your doctorate only because all your friends are also; proconfessor: Academic who pledges to be fair, balanced and non-partisan. — Warren H.

(in-cuh-MODE-i-ka-doh), adj.
The state of being in the bathroom without one’s cell phone. — Greg D.

1. The distance between the seat and the toilet water. 2. One’s posture when trying to avoid sitting on a public toilet seat. “The boss asked the contractor about the pisstance on the new toilet, because it would influence the seating arrangement near the bathroom door. After all, the greater the pisstance the louder the sound of the pee hitting the water.” — Edit B.

Keep those submissions coming!


Filed under: Lit-ish, roundups, That Should Be a Word | Comments (1)

The City That Reads and Makes Up Words: That Should Be a Word, Baltimore Edition #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 04/13/12

My dear and VERY HANDSOME FRIEND John Barry, founder of Baltimore’s excellent New Mercury Reading Series, sends along this entry:

new mercury

Scrawltimore, spatial reference: A zone within which one is capable of realizing that the street art at the corner of North and Charles was made by the art student who flunked your Joyce class. See also: ad-junked.

As a former resident adjunct I can affirm THIS HAPPENS NOT INFREQUENTLY. John and I, with our respective mates, also once lived in identical apartments in a brownstone that had actually been bought in one of those no-money-down mortgages by someone CLAIMING TO BE SOMEONE ELSE. She ran the place, from another state, for YEARS. He wrote about it somewhere, and I will post it once I find out where.

(You can also check out Re:education, the blog of THE VERY BEAUTIFUL Edit Barry, John’s wife, among other things, which takes a REVOLUTIONARY STAND on public education. John, you may be peeved about having to share this publicizing space, but I did put it in parens.)

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Also, in honor of Passover, an FB-generated list of words for a) people who wish to be Jewish and b) people who everyone always thinks are Jewish who are not #thatshouldbeaword

Posted by Lizzie on 03/16/12

In vague order:

Wishraeli (Lizzie S.)

Jew-ish (Many)

Oyim (Lizzie S.)

Faux-sher (Kate T.)

Wanna-heebs (Joshua S.)

Judoephilic (Shannon S.)

Wouldeos (Lizzie S., ESPAGNOLA)


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Sunday links: Hide and Seek; Or, Why I am glad I only shop with cash at my corner grocer’s, who gets me the tuna I like

Posted by Lizzie on 02/19/12

Apple TV has opened me to the wide wonderful world of listening to public radio programs across the spectrum, especially when certain oldies shows that shall not be named hijack WQXR for half the day. In any case, here are some links, old and new, all of which make me glad I have left such a large digital footprint it seems unlikely that anybody could find me without first reading my entire series on The Real Housewives, which would be nice for a change.

How to Disappear Completely. Wisconsin radio’s “To the Best of Our Knowledge” profiles three people-sweeepers

How Companies Learn Your Secrets. NYTMag’s examination of how Target knows you’re pregnant, also known as Why I Am Glad I Live in the Land of the Dollar Store.

My Flamboyant Grandson. Oldie but goodie. George Saunders’ New Yorker short story on a dystopic future entirely directed by targeted marketing; i.e., now. (Also, if you are not a subscriber, there is a PDF. YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME, and only did not hear this from me as I believe minor samples of work online help sales of the author’s work as a whole, as they have always helped mine. BUT ANYWAY YOU DID NOT HEAR THIS FROM ME.)

Play The Part. This American Life show on an man who looks quite a bit like Obama, from certain angles, and now is forced to impersonate him, because Verizon fired him. This tells you something about being Obama, and our economy, and actually working for Verizon, which is good to know.

Occam’s Razor. From This American Life’s “Family Physics.” The story of David Paladino, a half-black man raised by his Italian mother and stepfather who until adulthood had no idea he was black, and only passing rather unsuccessfully, as I do in the other direction, to my increasing annoyance, but in any case. One of the best TAL’s ever.

Filed under: Lit-ish, occasional book, roundups | Comments (0)

Wow, so Twitter and FB really cut into your blogging time

Posted by Lizzie on 04/17/11

UPDATES on some things that are HAPPENING:

AND some recent work you may have missed. (PLEASE “LIKE” IT because I am now really mesmerized by the upticks on those FB thingers. And yes, “liking” not the point.)

Filed under: blog in the day, General, Lit-ish, roundups | Comments (0)

This Week in Uncompensated Media Appearances: Or, Drunk on America

Posted by Lizzie on 07/30/10

So, that thing happened.*

It’s not unusual for me to round up, every week or so, whatever pale fire I have managed to effuse into the surrounding atmosphere in the interval, but as the young ones say, this shit was crazy, yo! Especially since it was surrounded by six-hundred other randomers. (Ask astrologer if Saturn something?) Anyway, I am an anal archivist kind of person, so must organize and list despite breadth of reach. Some of this is merely incidental and no need to be interested unless you are. However, at the end, there is something very, very funny.

1. At this year’s Book Expo America, I, Libba Bray, and other teensperts talked about YA and adult crossover lit. BEA just posted the panel. (For the fidgety, at around 7:00, I and the audience of librarians crack up about teacher/student sex. 6:54, just about.)

2. My good friend Dana Stevens and I spoiled Salt over at Slate. (Say that three times fast!) We spoiled Eclipse a little while ago. In both locations you will also find Dana’s wonderful reviews.

3. The tireless #seriouslyhowdoesshedoit blogger Booking Mama published a very nice review of Scout, Atticus and Boo, a tribute to Harper Lee’s To Kill a Mockingbird, for which documentary filmmaker Mary McDonagh Murphy interviewed luminaries such as Dan Rather, Oprah Winfrey and — *cackles delightedly cuz decidedly non-luminary* — me! Please check out McDonagh Murphy’s site for some interesting clips/links and to pre-order DVD, god help me.

4. I weigh in on The San Diego Union-Tribune‘s axing its book section.

5. I wax on the internet courage of Jennifer Weiner.

6. I know, I’m stalling. But okay, so THAT WAS CRAZY, RIGHT? I was just meeting my monthly quota! Anyway, I list !!!!!THE SCANDAL!!!!!! here mainly to give thanks for our nation’s commenters, who have lost me two entire days of work but are SO FUNNY I CAN’T STAND IT, as well as insightful and wise and all those things people meeting monthly quotas can only vaguely hope to be, one day. I hope the people running the internet make sure they archive comments? Whispering mean things while someone else is speaking is always the better part of valor.

I’m going to link to some places I thought were ESPECIALLY FUNNY because they are just good readin’, period, but I actually appreciated all of you who weighed in because I live in a basement apartment, and the light in here is bad, and 100K+ views of this nature is as good as it’s going to get.

a) People of Twitter! Thank you for reading, as well as hashtag #BUSINESS.

b) People of Awl! How can I resist such Catskills gems? AND SUB-GEMS?

c) People of Unfogged! You are very funny. Like, IRL, though I guess this is not IRL, is it, ha ha! Who are you? I’m so intimidated by you! WHY DON’T I KNOW YOU ALREADY. (Appending “On America” to any terminal adjective that takes an “on” is my new “…in bed.” “Drunk” is probably the only one, but I’m sure it’ll get lots of use!)

d) People of Shakesville! So many, many portmanteaus for “douche.” I’d forgotten! #thankyou #DOUCHECANOE

e) BEAUTIES of Jezebel! You are often/always hilarious but this was sort of above and beyond. Too many to count but this parody of the CEFAD in question might deserve a company car:

“The fourth time I read it out loud in a shouty faux-Shakespearian voice, and was interrupted by my next door neighbor who felt I was disturbing her barking chihuahua. The fifth and sixth times were mostly taken up with an effort to find a DaVinci code hidden in the text, by reading only every second word, and then every third… then the seventh time I read it in character as a space-lord from a neighboring galaxy. The ninth time I was huddled in a corner of my bathroom sobbing into a disused hand towel chosen by my ex-wife ten years ago, before my life was destroyed.
“And then on the tenth time I vomited and decided to write you back, you lucky lucky girl. Now let me tell you everything that is wrong with you.”

f) The signifying Tweet! This was not funny, actually.

* I would last here like to wish congratulations to the broom and gride in question. I’m doing it in teeny teeny type because enough already. But the internet is happy for you. We hope you are drunk…on America.

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