Wow, so Twitter and FB really cut into your blogging time

Posted by Lizzie on 04/17/11

UPDATES on some things that are HAPPENING:

AND some recent work you may have missed. (PLEASE “LIKE” IT because I am now really mesmerized by the upticks on those FB thingers. And yes, “liking” not the point.)

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This Thing Looks Like This; Or, Maintain mental purchase but…

Posted by Lizzie on 06/12/10

I’m opening up Old Hag again.

This will be followed by — at some point in the not-too-distant future, and a not-too-jarring redesign — a what-proves-to-be-intemperate-despite-my-best-efforts disquisition on why, but I’m just going to start my reposting by pointing you to the lovely OFP (Official Favorite Person) offerings of Maud Newton on the new Lorin-Stein-edited Paris Review‘s blog, The Paris Review Daily.

They asked Maud to record a week in a reader’s life, a task for which she seems admirably up (though as her mother I do want to point out Maud is a very accomplished writer, speaker, lawyer, critic, author and elsewise as well as a “reader”, etc., etc.).

10:00 A.M. Strong homemade coffee and chocolate-covered almonds for breakfast. My sister’s at work already, but her partner has read and enjoyed Memento Mori, so we talk about that.

10:45 A.M. Check e-mail. Continue ongoing exchange with my friend Laura Miller about iPad applications that may be useful for readers and the impossibility of finding those hypothetical applications amid the clutter of the online store. We both use RSS readers, Instapaper, Kindle, iBooks, Epicurious, Netflix, Twitter apps…. There are supposedly thousands of options now, but as she says, “to look at that #$&! app store, you’d think it was more like 500.”

and my favorite, which may or may not be funnier if you have seen the gesticulations in question:

7:30 P.M. Sláinte on the Bowery with Alex and Lindsay. We start drinking before the greasy snacks I’ve ordered arrive, and soon I am drunk, although I’ve only had two glasses of wine. Already my upper lip is going numb and I’m intermittently shrieking in the Floridian-Texan-Southern accent I semi-jokingly slide into with friends on these occasions. We’re gossiping about people we mutually loathe, so all is well, but I am already aware of the need to modulate my voice and try to keep the gesticulations to a minimum.

Okay. Fuck, I got started. I am going to disquisish, mildly.


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Non-print-based technologies

Posted by Lizzie on 12/29/07

Just a note to let you know that the Fine Lines column at Jezebel has been proceeding apace, moving on with Little House in the Big Woods, Island of the Blue Dolphins, and All-of-a-Kind Family. If you wish, you can also hear me reading some light verse included in Ultimate Blogs: Masterworks of the Wild Web, out from Vintage soon–now?–on Morning Edition here. It aired Christmas morning, which might or might not be good for the Jews.

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The Double Helix

Posted by Lizzie on 10/14/07

I am sorry it has been so long. Actually, for most of the summer, I was walking around former colonial superpowers and didn’t have a computer. Then I downloaded–there’s no reason, I just did–something from AOL called Helix, which, as AOL promised, let me “multitask in fewer clicks and with fewer hassles”, mainly by crippling Windows* so absolutely that two baffled computer scientists, after two or three hours of tinkering, looked up and asked, “You backed up your data, right?”

Anyway, I have also, for various reasons, been thinking of finally officially closing down the blog, since several print publications with subdomains of their own have stepped into the whole “clever dinner party guest at a vast, faceless table” with great dispatch and enthusiasm (look above for VQR giveaway) and will probably trundle along for at least a few years before post-aperitif fatigue hits. If I did read blogs, I would read those, but lately I’ve been disentangling myself from the grid, since marching around my old daily online reading circuit seems to crescendo into a Nickelodeon-viewing level of overstimulation for me. Maybe it’s because after your twenties, when your thoughts are a crucial part of the public discourse, you’re supposed to descend into a period of hiberation until you’ve saved up enough opinions to be a blowhard through most of your dotage? Maybe it’s because I’ve finally had a karaoke breakthrough? (With Joni Mitchell, yet.) I don’t know.

That said, the decision to close down occurred at exactly the same time a bunch of strangers, unprompted, came forward to say they liked it and not to Helix the whole thing**. So I’m going to leave it up for the archives if you want them, and do mostly what I have been doing lately, which is to give you giveaways, slap up some Speedreaders, and let you know what I am doing in the world of print. (This is today’s review, and my debut, in the LAT, and I have some other things coming along soon, god willing.) If I want to tell you something or you want to tell me something, give me a call or messenger me a cuneiform tablet and I’ll see what I can do.

(But, if I were going to have a last personal side note, I would probably say something about, oh, I don’t know, a nonevent this morning’s at a farmer’s market [or Baltimore’s version a farmers’ market, which is located in an underpass, with an assemblage of rutebagas and used condoms and the aroma of crab cakes and urine]. So I am standing at the smoked-things stall when I heard this grating voice to my left. The voice happens to belong to a former boss, but believe me, it would be grating on anyone, even on someone I loved, and it’s unfair to bring it up but I just did. I didn’t realize it was said boss until I saw they were running out of sourdough to my left and I had to dash and could put grate to face. But here’s note on ignoring former employees whom you know very well are people you know when they are standing next to you and you are being too slow with the smoked-things guy: I’m not sure you should pointedly ignore anyone you know after the age of 13, but ignoring former employees, unless they stole from you or urinated on something, is fired–not least because the best way to torture a former employee is by being the bigger person. Seriously, I have had umpteenth teachable moments with this boss that have yet to take root in any action that I can see. Step it up, lady; I’m not made of patience. As anyone knows, taking it upon yourself to mortify a former boss with a huge hug and sparkling small talk gets old.

Anyway, I’m already the bigger person.

Okay, one last time:

YouTube Preview Image

* Please, Mac people, do not tell me to get a Mac. I don’t care.

** Before you tell me to get a Mac again because you haven’t been paying attention, I don’t care.

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Audio Amusements; Or, Much Ado About Podcast

Posted by Lizzie on 05/10/07

That’s it. I give up. One book is coming along poorly, and the other is not coming at all, so I am retreating back to the two things I apparently actually know how to do: light verse and blogging. So first: Wednesday I appeared on WYPR’s redoubtable Maryland Morning to share the mostly-scanning “Memo to Staff: Steps to be Taken in the Event HRH Queen Elizabeth is Accidentally Launched into Space”* (listen here), and second, Saturday I will be at Baltimore’s City Lit Festival, discussing blogging and books, or something, along with Sarah Weinman, a.k.a. Galleycat, and Scott Mackenzie, a.k.a. Slushpile.

I am also finally linking to this podcast interview (also here) with the lovely and talented Laura Lippman, whose latest work, What the Dead Know, you should read immediately if not sooner, LAST WEEK.

I think I have partly avoided linking to the interview because I am catastrophically embarrassed at how much I say “um”. (It’s obscene, truly.) But I also think it is largely because the podcast comes full circle in a way that, for lack of a better phrase, is sort of blowing my mind. Old Hag, which now approaching something close to its 4th year (unacceptable) would not have been here, ever, were it not for Laura.


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Latter-day links; or, Housecleaning; or, No Order, No Particular Reason, Just Because This Is Supposed to Be a Literary Site and All

Posted by Lizzie on 04/09/07

From my inbox, happy people, to you:

1. The two best reasons to stop wandering around bawling “Whither Sploid, the best horrifically ugly news site in the history of time, for God’s sake what were they thinking with that redesign, why, verily, must only the good die young?” every four seconds;

2. Poetry by Meghan O’Rourke on Five Chapters;

3. FSG’s new poetry blog, “The Best Words in Their Best Order” (calm down, google-fingers; it’s Coleridge) which is currently top-heavy with info on the lovely and talented Eliza Griswold, who a) has a forthcoming book of poetry, Wideawake Field, and b) really rivals Old Hag, judging by recent events, on the whole “If you don’t have anything nice to say, sit next to me, and for CHRIST’s sake what’s happening with that hair” thing;

4. This (click to enlarge):


Since we have *no idea* why it says that, for how long it has said that, or just HOW it can say that, we can only say, thanks, we think, you perverted Google algorithm.

Filed under: blog in the day | Comments (1)

Something about “Cause” here, we’re busy

Posted by Lizzie on 02/28/07

The Rebel Issue is up!

Filed under: blog in the day, Lit-ish | Tags: | Comments (0)

Quick Takes

Posted by Lizzie on 02/27/07

P.S., we would like to remind you that Scott McLemee, one of those irritating critics who writes thoughtful and sharp pieces all the time, instead of, you know, just cranking out vitriol whenever whoever pays her five dollars to do so like someone we could mention, has a new Arts Journal blog, Quick Study, which obvs you should visit immediately and never leave, even if you and that blog don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy world. P.S.2: You can see Scott’s old fourth-century, Web .036 blog here. We don’t know, can you call it a blog when it’s just the same old HTML document updated and uploaded over and over? Could you call the Catherine Wheel a car? Could we NEVER stop talking while on Nyquil Night & Day? Probably.

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Nyquil Day or Nyquil Night? Is There a New Nyquil Day Dawning, Friends?; Or, Clearly We Just Took Both

Posted by Lizzie on

Old Hag has a bad cold. She’s sorry, but more specifically, really, really cracked out on cold medicine. She will post the results for the contest very soon. P.S. how AWESOME was that contest! Let’s have it every day!

Also, anyone with intel on why visitorship just tripled in the past few days welcome, by the way. Stats, as usual, reveal nothing.

Filed under: blog in the day, in it to win it | Tags: , , , | Comments (0)

[Your Joke Here; We’re Tired; This Was a Long Post]

Posted by Lizzie on 02/14/07


(Click to enlarge…and be enlightened!)

So the results of our first offical Old Hag Reader Can You Even Handle This Action Survey are in and….wow! You guys absolutely do not have enough to do. You should get on that. But we were unsurprised to find that, in planning the rest of our year, a) most of you wanted us to do reviews for which we do not get paid; 2) pretty much the same amount of you were perverts, lazy, in love with Leonardo Dicaprio, or poetry-seekers (hard to choose, right?); 3) Podcasts and Pride & Prejudice people insisted on being tediously alliterative, 4) almost the same amount of people wanted more real-world reviews as didn’t know who we are. That’s fine; the people who read the reviews don’t know who we are either.

Since you apparently have nothing better to do than hang around here and click on things, you won’t mind if we take these one by one.

1. Speedreaders
Coming; we have a few real-world reviews first and then it’s going to all happen for you.

2. Real-World Reviews
See “Speedreaders”

3. Podcasts
Coming; don’t care if you want ’em

4. Poetry
Incoming shortly; check out our porn haiku in the meantime.

5. More Leo fakeouts


Duh. Done. DIRTY LEO. Grrrrr.

6. Who is Old Hag?

7. Pride & Prejudice

Fucking done….most ardently!

8. Seriously, who is Old Hag?

9. We avoid working

10. Porn? No porn?
We’re the only pervert around here, sorry. But here’s that Old Hag/Young Woman picture all the rest of you are looking for.

11. More pics of adorable nephew (Write-In)
We’ll do you one better. Three things to note: a) This might take a sec to load; b) yes, that is Marketwatch; it’s never too early, and c) seriously, you might die. DIE!

Filed under: blog in the day, Lit-ish, poesie, polls, the hottness | Tags: , , , , , | Comments (3)


Posted by Lizzie on 01/29/07

If they told you I’m mad, then they lied.
I’m odd, but it isn’t compulsive.
I’m the triolet, bursting with pride;
If they told you I’m mad, then they lied.
No, it isn’t obsessive. Now hide
All the spoons or I might get convulsive.
If they told you I’m mad then they lied.
I’m odd, but it isn’t compulsive.

What Poetry Form Are You?

Filed under: blog in the day, Lit-ish | Comments (0)