Baltimore is Burning

Posted by Lizzie on 07/21/06

Coming from WYPR’s Maryland Morning? Welcome. Please feel free to scroll reviews, posts, links, etc., for edification and glorification. Regular readers? We are RHYMING again. And hot. VERY HOT. IT IS FREAKING HOT HERE. Click here to hear “Hot Hot Hot”. Now you know how it sounds in our head all the time. (Some of you wanted a hard copy last time, God knows why. Email us at theoldhag ATTAGIRL theoldhag DOTTYBIRD com and we’ll send you a copy.)

COMPLETELY UNRELATED: Why didn’t anyone tell us about clipmarks? WHY? We’re never blogging again.

The full Baltimore-centric poem after the jump:

Hot Hot Hot

Face it, cold is overrated.
Sure, if all this heat abated
We’d retain the polar regions,
And those other pesky seasons—
But who minds the odd tsunami
When we’ve got year-round Miami?
If the Gulf Stream is unwilling
To continue climate chilling
Let this universal fire
Be an object of desire.
Think of what our global boil
Does for matters high sartorial.
Sure, there is a “char” in Charm—
But have you seen the “hon” in “thong”?
If we dredged the Inner Harbor
Canton could become an arbor.
O’Malley slap up some cabanas;
Erlich issue free bandanas;
Sand the shores to Fort McHenry;
Change our name to Sarong City.
Ye of inconvenient truth
Remember your convenient roof:
While the ice melts from Quebec
Make like Noah: build a deck.
Serve iced Blue Points on a tray,
Garnish smoothies with Old Bay.
Invest in some deodorant—
What are you: anti-perspirant?
Sure, relentless hurricaning
May, in truth, restrict sunbathing
But if we can’t have Kyoto
We’ve at least got Tony Snow to
Teach us why Al Gore’s all wet.
It’s American to sweat.
And speaking of our waterline…
Jump on in: the harbor’s fine.

Filed under: Lit-ish |