Pen World Voices, Move Along, Folks

Pen World Voices starts today. We’re too busy to even post a good post here, much less attend, so we’re going to be awful and just swipe Maud and Mark‘s links. Pace!

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish, events @ Tuesday, April 24, 2007 8:49 am | Tags: | Comments (0)

Granta 97: Best of Young American Novelists

granta97.jpgSomeone who insisted we have a “long and persuasive arm” (you don’t know the HALF of it, honey) has asked that we post the deets on tomorrow night’s Granta 97: Best of Young American Novelists II event at the New School, viz:

4/24 8:30 p.m.
New School/Tishman Auditorium
With Daniel Alarcуn, Nell Freudenberger, Olga Grushin, Gabe Hudson, Uzodinma Iweala, Jess Row, Akhil Sharma, Gary Shteyngart, and John Wray. Moderated by Granta editor Ian Jack.

Totally free, totally fun.

Did you catch the last part? In honor of freeness and funness, we are also offering one free, fun copy to the first reader to email O.H. (theoldhag ATT theoldhag DOTTE com) with “Two Years From Not Being Young Anymore” in the subject line.

Thirty-five. Not 40. 35. Bastards. Freaking out.

Good luck!

Even more deets here.

Posted by altehaggen in events, in it to win it @ Monday, April 23, 2007 5:07 pm | Tags: | Comments (0)

NBCC Campaign to Save Book Reviewing

Over the past five years, one by one, newspapers have begun to forsake books and their readers. While book review sections at the Washington Post and the New York Times continue strongly, many other newspapers have begun packing up and winnowing down their book coverage. And it started at the top. Not long ago, the San Francisco Chronicle Book Review, which has readership levels in excess of fifty percent, was folded into another part of the paper. The community protested, it was restored, but just recently the section was cut in half in order to make space for an advertisement.

Today, the National Book Critics Circle, of which your OH is a member, is launching the Campaign to Save Book Reviewing, a blog series of essays, op-eds, posts and tips protesting the state of book reviewing today (you can read the rest of NBCC President John Freeman’s statement here). Today brings a memo from George Saunders, a Q&A with LAT Book Review editor David Ulin, and a post by Stewart O’Nan. Also, the NBCC has created an online petition to save the job of Atlanta Journal Constitution books editor Teresa Weaver. It’s at nearly 1,000 signatures in just a few days–please take a second and sign.

Also, feel free to steal this button and link to the series on your blog or webpage, or grab the code.

Posted by altehaggen in General @ 4:13 pm | | Comments (1)

May the best challenge to the ruling win

On a dark day, the only joy is the revelation of….The Holy Trinity!

P.S., no ghoulish associations intended, seriously. Longtime readers will recognize the obsession from here and here. You know what? For old times’ sake:

Posted by altehaggen in The Man @ Thursday, April 19, 2007 5:50 pm | Tags: | Comments (1)

….the problem with young folks today

Dave Eggers the person is all right with me. Dave Eggers the writer is another story. The very distinction, you feel, would exasperate Eggers, since he has staked his creative life on an identification of decent living with good writing. The conviction that good-intentioned people necessarily make good art is… [via Ed]

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 2:31 pm | Tags: , | Comments (0)

Just put “1-800 HOT RIBS”

Okay. Scroll to #4, or witness below.

hostess.jpg

Now, click yet again.

la.JPG

Google, why do you torment me. I mean, keep it up, but why.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Wednesday, April 18, 2007 10:05 pm | Tags: , , | Comments (2)

I, Too, Delete It

I know, printing spam poetry is so 1997. But this one–bundled with an ad for Vista (of course it was)–was so much better than anything I have written in the past three years I couldn’t resist. Feel free to Google for lines; we did strike the couplet reading

XI. Franklin’s Last Voyage/XII. The Mystery of the Missing Ships: The Franklin

because it belonged, as many a workshop participant has commented, “to another poem… maybe another poet.” Here goes:

Come, swallows, it’s good-bye.
Archangel Winter, darkness on his back
My only thought is for what has
Your gloved hands covering your lips’ good-bye
Escapees from the cold work of living,
Wheezing ravens, when
This third day of our January thaw,
Preface to the 1970 Edition
Where lamps are lit: these, too,
Columbuses or Gamas, ever pass,
Sculpting each tree to fit your ghostly form
Comes up with as a means to its own end.
Before those virile women!
To follow in the path of their brief blossoming
Down the road, at Cypress Gardens, a woman
In the sound of the snow.

Posted by altehaggen in General @ 6:39 pm | | Comments (0)

Here, Bullet

So any of you who see me on gmail know I’m a little obsessed with the PBS series America at a Crossroads, airing this week. I missed Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime (learn more about the program here) on Monday night, which I would have especially liked to see, but here’s the poem “Here, Bullet,” from the eponymous work by Brian Turner:

If a body is what you want,
then here is bone and gristle and flesh.
Here is the clavicle-snapped wish,
the aorta’s opened valves, the leap
thought makes at the synaptic gap…

Read the entire poem here. It doesn’t look like the series will be rebroadcast anytime soon, so try to catch it this week if you can.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 5:17 pm | Tags: , , | Comments (0)

But I Still Want Candy

Probably not at all in answer to our earlier question, but happily nonetheless, Alex Ross has posted a little bit about the success of the Met’s new “The Met Goes to the Movies” initiative*, and the verdict, according to Variety at least, is…it is. We actually plunked down our $18 to see Renee Fleming in Eugene Onegin a few months ago (dragging along our real movie critic friend) and were really pleased with the HD-only elements: the unintentionally hilarious “Mikhail Baryshnikov Presents”-esque welcome clip; the behind-the-scenes film shown during intermission–suffice it to say the real-life Eugene REALLY has a crush on the real-life Renee–; and the funny faux-intermission stereo chatter and orchestral tuning with a shot of the real interior of the Met and attendant milling crowds.

Two issues, however, the first HUGE HUGE. HUGE! Okay. It was bizarre that the fake intermission CHATTER was in stereo, but not the OPERA. What the hell. Also, although ostensibly the point of these Opera in HD events is to open up the most popular operas–which mostly sell out early to subscribers, save the $400 seats–to families and young people, at Eugene Onegin in Union Square, OH and companion were the youngest people there, easily, by about 58 hundred years. The entire audience was, unsurprisingly, made up of plus-58-hundred-year-old Russians. This is, last we checked, the same crowd you see at the actual Met. (Also, it forced OH to remember how she never paid enough attention to the former BOOG when he was talking on the phone and could only manage one random “Charosho” to her seatmate when seatmate confided that Renee Fleming is a “greater artist” than Anna Netrebko. правда.)

WHY is the audience all 908 years old? First of all, last we checked, the Met didn’t advertise this ANYWHERE but on classical radio stations. We saw nothing at any school, nothing on any event email like Flavorpill or Mug or UrbanEye or VSL (okay we have NOT factchecked this, but we missed it if it was); just one or two articles in the paper for the first Times Square simulcast. The Met doesn’t let you download the calendar to iCal or subscribe your Googlecal, they don’t send you reminders to buy tickets, finding out when or where a performance is going to be ahead of time is impossible, there’s like EIGHTEEN steps to go through to Fandango to get tickets, and there’s no performances at NIGHT, when young people like to head out, lest they feel like, you know, EIGHT-HUNDRED YEAR-OLD RETIREES. And there’s candy, not alcohol. Keep the candy, of COURSE, but have a big party and serve alcohol! Young people like alcohol and parties, because then there might be sex and a reason to buy new shoes! Like the 92nd Street Y! Basically, stop leaning on the candy, is what we’re saying.

For your viewing pleasure, below, two clips making up the infamous “Letter Scene” from Onegin, wherein Fleming somehow manages both to convincingly play 17 and to get across that peculiar mix of nausea and giddy hysteria that comes when you are in l-o-v-e LOVE with no chance of it going anything but tremendously badly, poor fool. If you have twenty minutes, do watch them–it’s the simulcasttelecast, only TEENY.

(If you don’t speak French [Or Russian, ninny.--Ed], essentially she says, “I am going to write this man and tell him I love him, even though it is the dumbest thing I have done yet in my short life. Don’t be mean about it, okay? Tra-la!”)

Also, we think it would be neat–yes, we said neat–if a real movie critic and music critic attended the entire series and wrote about it. Instead of this, which lost us at “I’m not an opera critic.” (Okay, at “Keillor.”) If someone has and we missed it, please point us to the early adopters.

* We have no idea why we keep calling it an “initiative”. “Campaign”? “Concatenation”? Whatever.

UPDATE: Ooo, Alex has pointed to this post from An Unamplified Voice, which worries whether performers will start playing to the camera now. (This is, as the writer points out, a hilariously moot point when discussing Anna Netrebko. We know, you don’t care about opera! We don’t care about you!) We still think it would be interesting for a critic to do an opera-for-the-masses analysis/critique, though.

To be serious for one second, where are these new subscribers going to come from? Look at the 2007-2008 season’s prices for a Wednesday….actually, the Family Circle is quite reasonable. It’s not that bad to be up that high, either–the bathrooms are emptier, and your coughing resonates less. We take everything back, except the part where we remember how we’ve signed up for the newsletter something like 18 times and have yet to receive ANYTHING.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 3:06 pm | Tags: , , | Comments (1)

Accept Incoming Mail

UPDATE: Hi! Okay, Khalil has claimed one. First to email theoldhag AT theoldhag DOT com gets the next copy of Acceptance. G’luck.

UPDATE 2: Congrats, R.J.!

Color us unsurprised with a splash of duh. Because while all of the winners of Margo Rabb’s Cures for Heartbreak have promptly responded to claim their booty, exactly none of the two winners of Acceptance in that mighty comments thread seems at all interested in the fact that they’ve got mail. Which only supports our theory that said seethers didn’t want to ATTEND COLLEGE, they just wanted to GET IN. Or maybe they’re just still spooked by mail. Whatever it is, please come forward, gentlemen/women by EOD Monday, or we’ll have to throw the books back into general circ to go out to the first two lucky waitlisters.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish, in it to win it @ Sunday, April 15, 2007 5:42 pm | Tags: | Comments (5)

Checkout

cicovsm.jpgThis just in: So, good news and bad news. On the plus side, we managed to sell out our print run in about a year and a half, which is nice. But unfortunately, fiscal considerations won’t allow our delightful press to reprint the book anytime soon, if ever. Nine copies left; reprint schemes welcome.

Posted by altehaggen in General, poesie @ Thursday, April 12, 2007 9:44 am | Tags: , , | Comments (3)

You’re past caring, we know, but…

…home!

Some Speedreaders coming soon. MAYBE EVEN TODAY.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 9:27 am | Tags: , | Comments (1)

A) It’s called “Family Auto”, seriously and b) we got $50 back

We’ll return to books eventually. BUT. Is it good business practice, would you say, to greet the customer with, “I’m in a bad mood….I was up ALL night with this car,” and then tell said customer you’re taking anger management classes because you chased a man through a parking lot and beat him senseless for touching your bike? Fuck you, give me my car. And explain to me what this $399 is for!

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Wednesday, April 11, 2007 9:42 am | Tags: , , , | Comments (2)

Divest, Young Man! Divest!

What day is it again? Okay, this is not a joke. Apparently there was something, or someone, in the fuel tank. Anything is possible at this point. When we reached the mechanic at 4:28 today, he was wrestling the apparatus and its inhabitants to the ground, and claims, circa 4:30 p.m. Tuesday April 10, 2007 A.D., that it will be finished two hours from same. Sure, whatever. Turning, as one does at such times, to questions of spirituality, those of you not in the know should be advised that we here at OHQ have actually had all our worldly belongings in storage since September since leaving Baltimore, currently sublet from a dear friend in NY, and have, we’re slowly realizing, stayed with about 19,845 others just in these last many months like some well-showered version of a vagabond. This perforce losing of the car, our last possession, along with our ability to “steer” our own “course” while drinking from a “travel mug”, is, we are starting to realize, *a sign*, and we would like to say OKAY, WE GET IT, and remind God once again that we CALLED THE AMBULANCE for that GUY for god’s sake and that we have taken all this advice from above to heart and are reading “Eat, Pray, Love” and bought a travel guide and a map and are putting all our stuff up on eBay and taking three months off to travel the world because we have something like 75,000 points on our OnePass and feel free to lay off the heavy symbolism any time now.

UPDATE: Are we jinxing ourselves? Lord, we hope not. As of 11:16 p.m. it is declared fixed. We are declared to bed.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Tuesday, April 10, 2007 5:16 pm | Tags: , , | Comments (4)

Never Leaving Baltimore Update. For Those of You Who Care…

…the part that arrived was apparently in worse shape than the part that needed replacing. A new part will apparently be here “by 4″; we will apparently be out of here “by 6″. We would just like to remind God WE CALLED THE AMBULANCE FOR THAT DEAD GUY, and it’s not our fault he wasn’t dead.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 12:51 pm | Tags: , | Comments (0)

Latter-day links; or, Housecleaning; or, No Order, No Particular Reason, Just Because This Is Supposed to Be a Literary Site and All

From my inbox, happy people, to you:

1. The two best reasons to stop wandering around bawling “Whither Sploid, the best horrifically ugly news site in the history of time, for God’s sake what were they thinking with that redesign, why, verily, must only the good die young?” every four seconds;

2. Poetry by Meghan O’Rourke on Five Chapters;

3. FSG’s new poetry blog, “The Best Words in Their Best Order” (calm down, google-fingers; it’s Coleridge) which is currently top-heavy with info on the lovely and talented Eliza Griswold, who a) has a forthcoming book of poetry, Wideawake Field, and b) really rivals Old Hag, judging by recent events, on the whole “If you don’t have anything nice to say, sit next to me, and for CHRIST’s sake what’s happening with that hair” thing;

4. This (click to enlarge):

hostess.jpg

Since we have *no idea* why it says that, for how long it has said that, or just HOW it can say that, we can only say, thanks, we think, you perverted Google algorithm.

Posted by altehaggen in blog in the day @ Monday, April 9, 2007 4:59 pm | | Comments (1)

Monday Morning Updating

Sorry for the week-long silence. We were too busy a) figuring out why our car was shaking in that strange way while we drove to Baltimore, b) learning how much Baltimore would charge to make it stop doing so, c) prevailing on a friend to help us find the best rates at Enterprise, d) happening upon an apparently dead man — really! he looked dead! not drunk or anything! — calling the ambulance, being scornfully told by what was apparently the entire Baltimore City fire department he was NOT DEAD, HON, e) finding out at the Enterprise counter our license was expired and that card we had been carrying around was actually a CHANGE OF ADDRESS CARD and not a TEMPORARY LICENSE, for God’s sake, f) learning that it costs only $30 and 2 hours to get a new license in a state where you haven’t lived in half a year, g) driving to West Virginia, e) discussing coal-mining in the 1900s, dining from dollar buffets to Muzak f) buying a strapless bra, g) giving our first toast at a wedding h) eating bacon. SO MUCH BACON! i) depending, unconscionably, on the kindness of strangers and non-strangers pretty much all over the place, lolling around on their spare couches and beds, eating them out of house and home, and j) calculating that we may have paid it back by calling the ambulance for that man on the street. BECAUSE HE REALLY LOOKED DEAD.

1) Congratulations and love, Marshall and Emily!

2) If you did not see it, here’s our latest review in the Times.

UPDATE: Interesting. So, apparently, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE BALTIMORE. The starter engine is dead, and there’s a huge tsunami headed towards the New England coastline if we don’t start cutting energy costs by using fluorescent lighting, or something. On the plus side, this didn’t happen in West Virginia, where it’s still December. People we’re thanking so far, in order of forbearance: Jane, Anton, Margot, Liam, Liz, Aunt Virgie, Shannon, the boys at Enterprise, Liz again. NOT the Swedes, or the people at Stadium Auto. Not until they stop shaking their heads every time we pull up, that is.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 8:30 am | Tags: , , | Comments (2)

To the best literary magazine you actually probably are already reading….

….happy 5th, One Story!

Where it all began.

…And actually, now that we think of it, John was actually the first person to publish OLD HAG! (Pre-archive; we’re six thousand years old. ) Read no further, friend, or be sucked into some saddle-stitched black hole.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Monday, April 2, 2007 2:14 pm | Tags: , , | Comments (0)