We’re mildly broken up that we’ve got to go on a business trip this weekend and will thus miss New Yorker music critic Alex Ross speaking at the 92 Street Y on composers and poetry, not only because we live for art songs (we have no idea if he’ll even be discussing what a composer at a residency harrumphed was a “a pleasant pastime for the bourgeoisie”, but if he is) and because it apparently offers a sumptuous buffet brunch. ALSO: we were hoping to take it off-topic even further and ask his thoughts on the Met’s new “omigod everyone here has one foot in the grave and the other holding a $9,987 subscription we can find some blood for them to drink or some young subscribers how much is blood?” initiative. Our intitial thoughts–good god, HOW ABOUT INTEGRATING IT WITH ANY TECHNOLOGY YOUNG PEOPLE USE BESIDES THE ….internet. But we would like to hear more; if you go, go off-topic for us please. We offer no brunch, sumptuous or otherwise.
Posted by altehaggen in events @ Tuesday, March 27, 2007 1:34 pm | Tags: alex ross, new york |
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…that you are such a bunch of heartless bastards. JEEZ. While a full 948 of you are still stewing over the fact that some coffee-starved academic threw you to the bottom of the pile 89 years ago, only 1.2 of you care when people stomp your heart and hand it back to you with an unbelievably insincere expression of regret. We’ve revised all our views. You know what is probably the BEST cure for heartbreak? Obsessing over how you only missed double 800′s* on the SATs because they thought rain:mist was more like wave:swell than hand:fingers. Listen, mist branches OUT FROM RAIN like FINGERS from a HAND. No it doesn’t? Fuck you.

The three lucky winners of a signed copy of Cures for Heartbreak**:
1. lw
Valiant display of despair, erudition.
2. Lisa
Possible variation: Ordering every catalog you can think of and having it sent to the party in question. We’re just saying.
3. Melanie
Congratulations, pen enthusiast, gatekeeper of the card catalog.

The two lucky winners of Acceptance:
1. H Habilis
Actually did laugh out loud.
2. Deepak
Okay, okay. But only because Melanie already won.
Honorable mention: Khalil, for being from Mauritius, which is apparently an achievement all on its own.
Winners, please contact me at theoldhag OF COURSE, AT theoldhag YES, DOT com to claim your prize. And anyone who’ll stew, write me anyway. I’d rather dig up something for you than have you spend the next 20 years in a state of outrage.
YOU’RE ALL WINNERS! ***
* The young people have a clever name for this. Does anyone know what it is? Seriously, it goes in one ear and out the other over here.
** Just FYI, thanks to ALL entrants for sparing us “The best way to get over someone is to get under someone.”
*** Not really.
Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish, Teaser, in it to win it @ Monday, March 26, 2007 4:26 pm | Tags: margo rabb, susan coll |
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Due to various exigencies of life and our possession of something like 18 jobs of late, we think we have remembered to mention to approximately none of you that we have been doing these over here for the past few months or so–viz, fucking around with Friday’s Times headlines because God in his infinite wisdom did not see fit to give us actual skills of any kind. In any case, you’ll find today’s official poem by clicking here by five-ishy today, but today we had some overflow poetry that was too gnomic and plaintive to inflict on New York magazine’s online readership. Not too gnomic and plaintive to inflict on you, though, dear reader! We have no idea what it all means, but feel free to offer analysis. We just liked the ducking at birdsong thing.
A Relaxed Approach to Life, Up for Sale
Duty Wears on the Soul.
Citizen of the World,
You Can Call It the Little Easy,
A Road Trip Back to the Future,
New Coin of the Realm
When the Snow Begins to Fall.
He May Not See It Stop.
Does Soprano Get Whacked? Does He Get a Banana Split?
Expert on Bird Talk,
When a Bird Sings an Aria, You’d Be Wise to Duck.
Walking Out to Sea
The Only Constant Is Change,
Lands You Can’t See in a Guidebook.
Who Else but an Old Buddy Can Tell How Lost You Are?
* Logo courtesy of Daily Intel. One hopes.
Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish, poesie @ Friday, March 23, 2007 3:15 pm | Tags: new york |
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But we still found another computer and uploaded this, fuck your TOTALLY UNFIXING XP Hotfix patch!*
(P.S., Tide386 at Microsoft, oh ye frequent reader of this site–yes of course we check our stats are you kidding–not that you don’t have better things to do and all–BUT CAN YOU HELP US OUT? We are VERY busy and important.)
Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Thursday, March 22, 2007 5:46 pm | Tags: backstalking, Moi, nevvie |
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One of the things we have always loved about other writers is that often when they write, we don’t have to. But that is only a small teeny reason we
are delighted to welcome our friend Margo Rabb and an excerpt from her new novel, Cures for Heartbreak, to Old Hag. But before we begin–things you should know about Margo:
1. Her stories have been published in The Atlantic Monthly, Zoetrope: All Story, Seventeen, Best New American Voices, New Stories from the South, New England Review, One Story, and elsewhere, and have been broadcast on National Public Radio (more here)
2. She is the author of a lovely series of mystery novels for young readers (more here)
3. She lives around the corner (more here)
4. She is, unlike some people, able to unselfishly share a freaking cupcake (more here)
Margo has generously offered three signed copies of her new book to three lucky winners. BUT THERE IS, OF COURSE, A CHALLENGE. Margo has posted her own cures for heartbreak on the Random House site. At Miss Rabb’s suggestion, we would like to now solicit yours. The Old Hag, for instance, leans towards sitting on the couch and whimpering, then getting momentarily distracted by the fact that her gmail’s adaptive filter is now filtering spam correctly. This probably shouldn’t fall under “cure”, but whatever.
Excerpt below, as well as Margo’s blog tour dates. Winners for Heartbreak and this will be posted Friday; feel free to strike anywhere in the meantime. Please enjoy!
World History
Four days after our mother’s funeral, my father decided that my sister Alex and I should go back to school. I was reading in bed when he knocked on my door, peered into my room and repeated, as he’d been doing at regular intervals, like a public service announcement, that we needed to go back to the way things were before. On Monday he’d re-open his shoe repair shop, I’d return to the ninth grade, and Alex to the twelfth. Things had to go back to normal.
(more…)
Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish, Teaser, in it to win it @ Tuesday, March 20, 2007 9:00 am | Tags: Brooklyn, margo rabb |
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UPDATE: We now have two copies to give away! Can you say “waitlist”?
We liked high school. We did well in high school. We like books about high school. So we tried to read that Marisha Pessl book. Well, we didn’t try that hard. We read the first page and a half and said NO WAY, NOT IN THIS LIFETIME, IT’S NOT HAPPENING. So thank God for Susan Coll’s Acceptance, which elbowed the Pessl off the bedside table with a digusted thump.
We could go on and on about how actually fine humorous writing is often discounted and overlooked, as is a deft satire, but then we’d say more things like “deft satire” and you’d be bored. We could also go into the marvelous plot, but it’s been months since we read the galley and excitedly emailed the publicist and were like WE LOVED THIS, so that’s pretty much what we’re left with at this juncture. LUCKILY FOR YOU–FSG has very graciously allowed us to post a bit from the start of the book, and has also offered one giveaway copy to a lucky Old Hag entrant.
We thought long and hard about what the challenge should be for all of you, and decided it was easy: just write us with the school you wanted to get into and didn’t. Then we’d laugh, and give it to one of you, so you’d finally have something you tried for in your miserable life. So that’s the challenge.*
But this book gave me great pleasure, so please enjoy, and if you don’t win, please buy:
Grace reminded herself that she had resolved not to get sucked into this snakepit of parental competition. (more…)
Posted by altehaggen in General, Lit-ish, Teaser, in it to win it @ Thursday, March 15, 2007 5:35 pm | Tags: susan coll |
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This is rapidly becoming one of those blogs wherein personal ephemera so wholly overtakes any ostensible theme or focus that we are as a muttering old person on the subway is to Barack Obama on a podium, but anyway, we just have to say, we noticed there’s an update to our favorite ad OF ALL TIME, which, if you haven’t seen, is:
We were searching around for the new one to show you all, since we a) think it’s vastly inferior and b) know you’ve been on pins and needles about it for weeks. We couldn’t find it, so your collective disgust joining ours will have to wait.
We did, however, find this.
You know, we were walking around feeling like the inspiration and wisdom we gained from parsing the particular brilliance of the Playtex thwack above was something we pretty much only shared with our friend C while texting on a caramel candy popcorn/Ina Garten high. Guess what? Apparently our delight was shared…. in a well-regarded mainstream news publication…. by a boy.
Okay, traditional media. Here is another thing we are obsessed with:
:roll:
This means “I just rolled my eyes.”
You can also say:
:eyeroll:
We have an associate with a treatise on the “, lol” phenom, when you are ready for us to file.
Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 4:21 pm | Tags: may the best protection etc., Moi |
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Upright!!!!!!!!
We’re going to try it someday.
Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ Thursday, March 8, 2007 1:51 pm | Tags: Moi, nevvie |
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