I haven’t been talking much about Katrina. My great-grandmother was from Plaquemine, though, and when I was twelve, our mother took my sister and I to see our distant relatives there. The city was a strange mix of the wonderful (ice-cream crepes, po’ boys, jazz, gumbo actually made from roux, those old wooden balconies) and the terrible (Aunt Jemimas for sale in all the stores ; tourist throwing handfuls of change onto the street at boys who could barely lift the trumpet, much less play it; tourists; poverty; tourists; tourists), all about which I wrote an overwrought — is there any other kind? — college essay. (more…)

Posted by altehaggen in General @ Wednesday, August 31, 2005 12:03 pm | | Comments (1)

Can Metafilter also answer…

Media? What media? [via Dana.]*

* To be fair, the caption next to beer-guy should have read neither “looter” nor “finder” but “damn straight.”

Posted by altehaggen in The Man @ 11:33 am | | Comments (0)

Russia: Land of Borscht, Bared Midriffs, Big Readers

With bared midriffs and piercings, they are outwardly very like one another. In fact, there is an immense gulf dividing this throng of beauties. One group is astoundingly uneducated; their lives consist of nightclubs, concerts and narcotics. The other (and these are many) is just the opposite. They are highly educated, and have plunged rapturously into the ocean of literature now being published in Russia–those famous books by which the world lived in the 20th century and which have only now come to us.

According to the WSJ, Anna Kournikova is the new dirty bomb. Shell.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:11 am | | Comments (4)

Great Moments in Journalism, Exhibit #982 *

Adam Langer: What are the qualities that make for a good critic?

Margo Hammond: Honesty, empathy and wit. It also helps to be a good writer.

* Pace T-Muffle. Via Maud.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ Tuesday, August 30, 2005 9:52 pm | | Comments (0)

If It’s Tuesday, This Must Be “Sorry”

Old Hag has had a nasty cold for two weeks, and, for other assorted reasons she will not go into at this date and time, is profoundly and monumentally — as they say in the poor, ravaged, southern climes * — tard. There’s a great guest-blogger coming up on the sixth who will remain secret until that date (hint: her book LAUNCHES on the sixth), but until then, go here and empty your pockets, throw your head back and laugh gladly and long that a certain someone has finally been routed from BCD (brush-clearing duty), and get back to whoever or whatever you were doing RIGHT AWAY.

* Those seeking actual updates on Katrina should turn to Ed if they haven’t already. He has been keeping excellent digital watch from San Fran, and doing something called “Bat Segundo” that involves technology we don’t have. If Apple’s stock is any indicator, though, you do. OGIC and Terry are similarly employed.

Posted by altehaggen in Uncategorized @ 5:51 pm | Tags: | Comments (2)

V-Shirts

My friend wanted to know if someone had already made this joke.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ Monday, August 29, 2005 5:24 pm | | Comments (0)

We’re also going to claim girly-crush dibs on the Richard Yates thing

You have to understand that i’m coming from a media culture here which attempts to trivialize or demean at every turn and the only way to survive is to disassociate. But first of thank you for choosing me to be your first book, i am very flattered, and, yes, i am aware that this is ‘controversial’ because everyone keeps telling me so, i have tried to ignore the argument because of reasons cited above, here controversy is nearly always manufactured to fill newspaper pages and also because there is nothing to be gained from reading negative things about yourself. i try very hard not to read reviews and never write them, except one a piece on Richard Yates, which was more of a eulogy than a review. i have very vicious thoughts about writers in private but would never air them in public, there is something demeaning in that, i think. Having said that, i started looking at one ‘minority opinion’ and discovered what – for me – was a total misinterpretation of the first chapter – this is exactly the kind of thing that curdles the morning coffee (I have obviously been too subtle in my writing. Note to self). That’s the thing avout books, every reading is valid, every reading is authentic, but the only true reading is that of the author. My dream/goal is to have enough money to write without publishing. i am going to try and post this now and see what happens.

We have to say, we have never seen anything so funny as Kate Atkinson’s appearance on the Litblog Coop, which was the digital equivalent of the dinner party guest who was forced to wait in the rain for her cab because the train came in late and who has eaten some bad fish for lunch and now, after three Scotches, is telling the 14-year-old nanny what a bore she’s always thought the father was because she just does not give a crap anymore.* Two things. First, we’ve felt guilty at times for misspellings and missposts over here. No more. Second: Tell Kate to watch Fox News for five minutes. She will send The Guardian a hamper of roses.

* We mean this in the BEST way, of course.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 5:02 pm | | Comments (4)

If you can call it that

For those of you who haven’t already seen it, Sarah‘s guesting over at GalleyCat, where we delight in her presence but, as always, remain PROFOUNDLY OPPOSED TO THE DESIGN.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 3:12 pm | | Comments (0)

A Vindication of the Rights of Reviewers

Unfortunately, this intricate universe of symbolism – spangled, like Reed’s constellation, by bodies, both heavenly and otherwise – lacks the requisite air for the characters to breathe. For all of Julia’s quirks, she, like her deadly microbes, is trapped under glass. And Reed, humorous, wry, and quick-witted though he may be, is more an assemblage of pertinent symbols than a man. As his name suggests, he works well enough on the page, but Reed, like the orbiting Pluto, can be seen only from afar.

Sadly, we will not shut up. [Don't want to reveal your gender? Use bugmenot to register.]

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:49 am | | Comments (0)

Let’s hope one of those galleys turns out to be worth something

As far as freelancing rates go, they were modest when I started out and are about the same now. I don’t mean the same adjusted for inflation. I mean the same. I became a full-time freelancer in 1978, and the first piece I published in a prominent national magazine was a “My Turn” essay in Newsweek. I was paid $500. Just a couple of years ago, I had a slightly longer essay in a popular online magazine that will go nameless. $500 again. I received the check 97 days after publication, which broke a personal record.

We cannot express the depths of our gratitude. Someone has finally written a treatise that explains to our as-yet-unproduced line of descendants why they will have no money.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:18 am | | Comments (0)

Read This (Blog)!

Case Histories.jpg Today and ONLY today, the Lit-Blog Co-op, who so kindly bent to my bidding at the selection of that lovely book to your left there, hosts its author, Kate Atkinson, who will scribbly something-something and answer all your questions. First up: if you had to choose between fighting Lionel Shriver in hand-to-hand combat or running a 10-K against Zoe Heller, which would you go for?

UPDATE: In more “All the World’s a Concordance” news, we notice that Amazon has introduced a feature called “SIPs” — Statistically Improbable Phrases — that coughs up any that occur in any book in their “Search Inside The Book Feature”. For Case Histories, these include “yellow golfing sweater”, “fat bloke”*, and “homeless girl” — the latter of which, miracle of miracles, also occurs in BEE’s American Psycho. We would like to go on record at this point as loving this feature, Flickr‘s tags, Google’s searchable Gmail, and all the other items which are going to turn our lives, in a few years, into this. (We know, we keep linking to this. It starts out slow, but it’s funny. AND TRUE.)

* This is only a SIP in the US, we think: Try this one over in England.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 9:35 am | | Comments (0)

We’re Here, We’re Unclear, We’ll Do Something About It

In the past week, three — count em, THREE — people have either emailed, called, or furrowed their brows in order to communicate to us that they have no idea what we’re talking about. (One even offered — very kindly — to NOT BE OUR FRIEND SINCE SHE THOUGHT WE WERE MAD AT HER.) Clearly this situation has got out of control — which is to say that two of the three readers of this blog surely must be consistently in the dark. Since making sense is pretty high on our list of daily goals, we’re going to take some vitamins and try to stop reducing each sentence to, as Bret Easton Ellis puts it, “brief, cinematic haiku.” *

* Wait, we just did it again, didn’t we? Cynthia Gibb! Artisanal Cheese! I’m going to live forever!!!!!!!!

Posted by altehaggen in General @ Friday, August 26, 2005 3:51 pm | | Comments (8)

We’ll throw in those “striking”s for free

Next month, Stephen King, Amy Tan, Lemony Snicket, Nora Roberts, Michael Chabon and 11 other best-selling writers will auction the right to name characters in their new novels. The profits will go to the First Amendment Project, whose lawyers have repeatedly gone to court to protect the free-speech rights of activists, writers and artists.

Obviously we are a fucking cheap date. True, being immortalized in a Michael Chabon novel is a far greater honor than in a Sweet Valley University. But let’s face it: Which one will the landfill cough up fifty years from now? E.R., C.G., B.L., and D.M. — make it out to Laurie John. [via Le Rake]

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 9:19 am | | Comments (3)

Anyone wanting I.D. taught in high school must also pass freshman biology

Just a Suggestion.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 8:31 am | | Comments (0)

Gibbs

notjaynedennis.jpgLindsay’s post reminded us that, in our blind rush, while reviewing Bret Easton Ellis’s Lunar Park, to describe the digitized visage of Jayne Dennis as a “bobble-headed Bratz doll”, we forgot to pose our main query: Namely, who the fuck is This Girl? She looks nothing like all of the obviously rendered photos — and, if we’re not wrong, is an actual actress from the eighties, a kind of Cindy Crawford pre-dux. Is she from Square Pegs? Valley Girls? Can’t Buy Me Love? No. We need your help. Calling all “I know which Oscar winner first starred as an underdog female quarterback who was eventually crowned prom queen,” stat.

UPDATE: Ask, and you shall TOTALLY RECEIVE. The marvelous Alizinha has revealed our mystery non-compositeGibb.GIF cynthia_gibb_old_chin.jpgto be none other than…. CYNTHIA GIBB, of Fame fame! a) Apparently, the hair drove her to surgery. b) The movie? ALL TOO REEL. But we must echo Alizinha in our first question — WHY??? — and add yet another: WHYYYYYYYY???????

Fuck, let’s try a third. Which sprays you with a bigger dose of L’Eau De C-List — being a former TV Fame castmember, or being the fake and yet still unconvincing fictional girlfriend on Bret Easton Ellis’s novel’s website?

We still think it’s the first. Bruno totally didn’t translate in prime-time.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ Thursday, August 25, 2005 10:52 am | | Comments (10)

Welcome Back, Chicha

And let us say, if the semi-infrequent posting over there was an implicit protest against that fucking green line, WE COMMEND YOU.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ Wednesday, August 24, 2005 11:53 am | | Comments (0)

And by “The Second One”, we mean whatever author directly follows Moody on the shelves at B&N

As a woman, we have to say we DO find the second one more appealing.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:42 am | | Comments (0)

Best answer so far: Checkbook

If you could replace your husband with a book, which would it be?*

* We can’t replace the BOOG. He just washed all our carpets by hand. **

** He is not our husband. ***

*** Shhh. [via Desultory Philippic]

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:36 am | | Comments (0)

Slouching Towards Flickrdom

A new publication launches: Foetry magazine.

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ Monday, August 22, 2005 10:15 pm | | Comments (2)

Don’t Botox that book, my friend

Not to be all up in our own biz (yeah, we’ve only noted our last review EIGHT TIMES TODAY), but should New York Mag really be dropping bombs on Lizzie Grubman that we — along with some teeny others – done exploded two years ago?

Posted by altehaggen in Lit-ish @ 11:07 am | | Comments (0)

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